The delicate balance of mentoring someone is not creating them in your own image, but giving them the opportunity to create themselves.
-- Steven Spielberg
Mentors are often thought of as parents, teachers, and coaches -- elders who convey valuable life lessons and advice that help mold us into "successful individuals" and "productive members of society." We may think of the special relationship between Socrates and Plato (and Plato's with Aristotle), the deep bond between Emerson and Thoreau, Katherine Hepburn's advising of Elizabeth Taylor, Billie Holiday teaching Bessie Smith through her records, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. mentoring and marching with John Lewis, Diego Rivera painting with Frida Kahlo, Danny Kwock and Kelly Slater studying waves together, or even Usher taking Beiber under his wing. But this traditional definition of mentors is in need of update and expansion. Younger generations have increasing levels of dependence and maturity demands -- not to mention access to information -- that are beyond what we experienced at their ages. And the practice of mentoring is evolving along with everything else.
In this column, I've invited two colleagues to help share three personal experiences with what we call silent mentorship: (1) mentoring through nature and nonverbal communication (written by me), (2) how death can be a guide (written by Kevin Weiner, Stanford neuroscientist), and (3) ways people you admire and have never met can teach you a lot (written by Sarah Kornfeld, MYMNTR founder). Together, we show silent mentorship to be just as impactful as spoken mentorship -- and how you can discover a mentor even in the depths of your own memories and imagination.
Mentorship through nature and observation (J.)
We don't typically describe our relationship with nature as a type of mentorship. But, I see my connection to the natural world that way, more than any other allies in my life. Learning, paying attention, and thinking about the animals and wild waterways were more of a guide and inspiration to dream, and move forward toward goals than any one person or advice I received from teachers or family members. I would go so far as to say that most of the people who offered advice during my childhood and adolescence were not particularly helpful and most of the animals were. For example, sea turtles never tried to discourage me from pursuing a degree and career in marine biology, but many people did. It may sound strange, but many times in making big decisions, I'd consider how it may relate to the turtles, the rivers, and the ocean as important factors weighed among others.
Imagine you had a human mentor who never used language. What would that relationship look like? They would probably find ways to show you places, things, movements, or use body language without speaking or writing a word. Animals do that all the time -- without judgment. We are surrounded by their mentorship and are often blind to the messages -- largely because our world is so busy. But, if we just slow down, don't speak, don't tweet, and instead, pay attention and listen to what nature is saying, we might be surprised at the lessons we learn. People often thought I was shy and asked me why. When in actuality, I was just observing quietly, paying attention, and learning from the world around me.
Non-verbal communication can be a powerful tool for a mentor -- not to mention help us learn to read people better beyond what they are saying. It's not my place to prescribe that you put your phone down and head into nature, but you might be surprised at how non-verbal and non-human communication will improve your skills and how you interpret and deliver verbal communication with your fellow human beings.
The waves have been Kelly [Slater]'s teachers. It was a subliminal education, but it led to epiphanies about who he wanted to be.
-- Danny Kwock, former pro surfer who mentored Slater for 15 years
Words not meant to mentor... yet memories of them do (Kevin)
I had the great pleasure of interviewing J. for mymntr.com and one of the things we covered was the fact that we both stuttered. The effects of stuttering had lasting effects for me throughout my teenage years and I hated speaking in public. You can imagine my anxiety and dread as I sat down to write my brother's eulogy when I was 16. By the fourth or fifth draft, I recalled my brother saying: "You can't build a building with crooked lines, Kev." He was a budding architect and I had simply asked why he started over his sketches so many times. Remembering his response revealed my problem: the eulogy was all over the place -- it was crooked. So, the question then became: How do you build a straight eulogy? You need to know what it looks like. Mine looked like laughter. I wanted to
-- Steven Spielberg
Mentors are often thought of as parents, teachers, and coaches -- elders who convey valuable life lessons and advice that help mold us into "successful individuals" and "productive members of society." We may think of the special relationship between Socrates and Plato (and Plato's with Aristotle), the deep bond between Emerson and Thoreau, Katherine Hepburn's advising of Elizabeth Taylor, Billie Holiday teaching Bessie Smith through her records, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. mentoring and marching with John Lewis, Diego Rivera painting with Frida Kahlo, Danny Kwock and Kelly Slater studying waves together, or even Usher taking Beiber under his wing. But this traditional definition of mentors is in need of update and expansion. Younger generations have increasing levels of dependence and maturity demands -- not to mention access to information -- that are beyond what we experienced at their ages. And the practice of mentoring is evolving along with everything else.
In this column, I've invited two colleagues to help share three personal experiences with what we call silent mentorship: (1) mentoring through nature and nonverbal communication (written by me), (2) how death can be a guide (written by Kevin Weiner, Stanford neuroscientist), and (3) ways people you admire and have never met can teach you a lot (written by Sarah Kornfeld, MYMNTR founder). Together, we show silent mentorship to be just as impactful as spoken mentorship -- and how you can discover a mentor even in the depths of your own memories and imagination.
Mentorship through nature and observation (J.)
We don't typically describe our relationship with nature as a type of mentorship. But, I see my connection to the natural world that way, more than any other allies in my life. Learning, paying attention, and thinking about the animals and wild waterways were more of a guide and inspiration to dream, and move forward toward goals than any one person or advice I received from teachers or family members. I would go so far as to say that most of the people who offered advice during my childhood and adolescence were not particularly helpful and most of the animals were. For example, sea turtles never tried to discourage me from pursuing a degree and career in marine biology, but many people did. It may sound strange, but many times in making big decisions, I'd consider how it may relate to the turtles, the rivers, and the ocean as important factors weighed among others.
Imagine you had a human mentor who never used language. What would that relationship look like? They would probably find ways to show you places, things, movements, or use body language without speaking or writing a word. Animals do that all the time -- without judgment. We are surrounded by their mentorship and are often blind to the messages -- largely because our world is so busy. But, if we just slow down, don't speak, don't tweet, and instead, pay attention and listen to what nature is saying, we might be surprised at the lessons we learn. People often thought I was shy and asked me why. When in actuality, I was just observing quietly, paying attention, and learning from the world around me.
Non-verbal communication can be a powerful tool for a mentor -- not to mention help us learn to read people better beyond what they are saying. It's not my place to prescribe that you put your phone down and head into nature, but you might be surprised at how non-verbal and non-human communication will improve your skills and how you interpret and deliver verbal communication with your fellow human beings.
The waves have been Kelly [Slater]'s teachers. It was a subliminal education, but it led to epiphanies about who he wanted to be.
-- Danny Kwock, former pro surfer who mentored Slater for 15 years
Words not meant to mentor... yet memories of them do (Kevin)
I had the great pleasure of interviewing J. for mymntr.com and one of the things we covered was the fact that we both stuttered. The effects of stuttering had lasting effects for me throughout my teenage years and I hated speaking in public. You can imagine my anxiety and dread as I sat down to write my brother's eulogy when I was 16. By the fourth or fifth draft, I recalled my brother saying: "You can't build a building with crooked lines, Kev." He was a budding architect and I had simply asked why he started over his sketches so many times. Remembering his response revealed my problem: the eulogy was all over the place -- it was crooked. So, the question then became: How do you build a straight eulogy? You need to know what it looks like. Mine looked like laughter. I wanted to